I'm tired...
So I woke up this morning at 4 AM to my door bell ringing. what the fuck?? I sat up, turned on the small light by my bed and pulled some pants on. I went to the kitchen door, no one there. I went to the front door, no one there. I turned on some more lights and went back to the kitchen door, no one there, no cars in the driveway or in the street. I thought "how strange!!", and went back to bed. I tossed and turned wondering, who had been at my door?? Was it a friend on a late night outing?? Someone in trouble?? Someone waiting for me to open the door so they could slice me into little pieces??
I woke up this morning at 7 AM and remembered my late night accurance. i wondered if it had been a dream?? But when I got out of bed I noticed that I had on the pants that I jerked on just before going to see who was here. I went outside to smoke a ciggerette, and then I had a thought. I checked it out and sure enough, I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING DOORBELL!!!
What the hell??
posted by MsMayhem @ 1:10 PM
74 comments
74 Comments:
Hey Princess J,
Not forthcoming,Who? ME?? Naughh, must be your other sister:)
What night do you have your monkeys? We should have supper since they did not ge to see each other over Christmas. I have mine Wed & Thurs this week. SC?? How long will you be there??
As for the song lyrics, I just know them all. Just kidding. I just type in the title and add the word lyrics to the end and do a google search, but there are many ways to do it.
As for witch of our cousins has a cast plant collection, that would be my smoke buddy from Christmas Eve. Funny ass shit!! I will call you about supper!! You get to cook, imagine that!! Did you notice no one even noticed that I didn't bring the gross onion thing to Christmas?? Sneaky sneaky...
Gypsy, I would be happy to wake to people knocking on my window if they were the kind of people who knock on your window. At least your window realy exists...
I bet you do have head pain-no head pain here, at least not your kind of head pain.
I am still giggling over dinner last night!! Can I blog about it?? It's just to good not to share!!
Also I got another possible new years invitaion via email(hint hint). Can I please blog about Supper??????????
Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say, "how appropriate."
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I'm fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around... all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no cencept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer
All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice
Ohhh this is good!!!
How I would like to say this to someone!!! Not that we are bitter, angry, jaded woman or anything but check it;
Take one more step and it's over
Back up slowly inside
Breathe too loud and I'll kill you
Get down on your knees and beg me
Beg me, beg
Beg me, beg me, beg
Take off all of your clothes
Lie face down on the bed
Move one inch and I'll shoot you
Make like a woman and beg me
Beg me, beg
I said, beg me, beg me, beg
I just recieved your e-mail are you still here????
yep
Friday finally came around
This girl’s ready to paint the town
Tonight ain’t nothin’ gonna slow me down
I am screamin
WE NEED A GIRLS NIGHT!! BOYS ARE DUMB-THROW ROCKS AT THEM!!!
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET SOME PICS OF THIS CRAZY GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!!! WHERE ARE YOU THINKING YOU ARE WANTING TO GO?????
no bars. My house perhaps?? Do you have Friday plans??
Pictures?? Should we get naked?? Aughhhh!! I have not been able to be naked for to long!! Makes a girl crabby...
Can I post this naughty song I found?? It's VERY naughty!! he he
COUNT ME OUT OF GETTING NAKED!!! WHAT IS WRONG W/ THE BAR???? I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE BAR FOR A LONG TIME!!! I WANT TO GO DANCING! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR NAUGHTY SONG!!! ;) MAKE ME SMILE!
DID YOU EVER FIGURE OUT WHO BATMAN IS????
But Asha
I don't like the bar!! How will we get home?? Will there be drama?? I am broke!! We can dance at my house- he he
Lets go to shotguns- we havent done that for awhile!!!
Wts wrong with my house!!
K, you ready? I will post the song- can you tell whats on my mine?? I mean fucking COME ON!!!
Grrrrr
nope I don't know but if he is out there want my number?? Just kidding!!!
Every time I see your face
I get all wet between my legs
Every time you pass me by
I heave a sigh of pain
Every time I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
I’ll take you home and make you like it
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of is
Everything I’ll do to you I’ll fuck you and your minions too
Your face reminds me of a flower
Kind of like you’re underwater
Hair’s too long and in your eyes
Your lips- a perfect suck me size
You act like you’re fourteen years old
Everything you say is so
Obnoxious, funny, rude and mean
I want to be your blowjob queen
You’re probably shy and introspective
That’s not part of my objective
I just want your fresh young jimmy
Jamming slamming ramming in me
Every time I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog I’ll take you home and make you like it
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of is
Everything I’ll do to you
I’ll fuck you ’til your dick is blue
SO NAUGHTYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
DIRTY WHORE!!!
I AM GOING TO HAVE TO ANSWER THIS IN SEGMENTS! FIRST OF ALL YOU WOULD TAKE A CAB, NO DRAMA, GIRLS DON'T NEED MONEY AT THE BAR!!!
WOW NOW THAT SONG IS ROUGH! CAN WE SAY FEELING A LITTLE FRUSTRATED!
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR LITTLE VIBRATING FRIEND?
Did I tell you that when I left fuckhead, he took all my toys??
I had to go to the naughty store by myself!!! So fucking funny!! Do i go in?? What scarry pervert is going to be there today??
And the new one is crap. the best one I had found was the tiney red one- and now old red is GONE!!
So funny, boys realy have no idea, do they??
we are going to the bar on thursday... i havn't been out in a long time... everyone should come. I don't want to get crazy on friday, i hate being hung over on new years eve.
i think girl house party. no cab money and could do without having to flirt for my drinks as desperate as I may be...
Although it can be interesting.
Everytime I go out with Gypsy, I make up a new identity. One time she could not figure out why this german man kept hitting on her(I told him we were in audult films and that Gypsy like to take it in the ass and fuck large farm animals..).
I can't do Thursday!!!
So don;t be hung over!!
We could still hang out.
Do you know the naughty song K??
no sitter... and we all know what happened last time i hung out at your house before a big night... yeah that was enough humiliation for 2005
i know lots of naughty songs...
I'M W/ K, IT SUCKS BEING TIRED AND SHITTY ON THE VERY PARTY DAY OF THE YEAR!!!!! WHAT BAR DO YOU HAVE IN MIND???? I DO BELIEVE I AM STILL 86'd OUT OF WOODYS AND HARLEYS! I HEARD THEY WERE SELLING IT THOUGH SO MAYBE? I HAD WOODY'S ANYWAYS BUT HARLEYS IS ALRIGHT SOMETIMES! WHICH REMINDS ME STUPID NAKED GIRLS IN BARS!!!! Ha Ha! I HOPE NEXT TIME YOU GO SOMEWHERE YOU REMEMBER TO PACK BEFORE GOING!!!!
THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO SAY I HATE WOODYS!
probobly murphys at least to start.
whats up with new years anyway??
asha.. that makes much more sense
Yeah, yeah, keep that in mind if you ever have to pack.
Lets see, clothes, toothbrush, money (wait he took the money), cell phone, little red vibrator..
I can't do Thursday!!!
You will be OK special K, just wear your pin I bought you. So, is my house bad luck??
Asha what reminds you of naked girls at bars?? You used to like to get naked!! Old lame married girl!!!
What naughty song do you know K??
WE MIGHT BE HAVING A SMALL GATHERING @ MY HOUSE FOR NEW YEARS! SINCE WE HAVE THE NEW BABY IN THE HOUSE WE CAN'T BE GONE ALL NIGHT! THE BARS ARE ALWAYS TO CROWDED! EARLY IN THE DAY WE WILL PROBABLY START OUT AT THE NEIGHBORS HOUSE WHO IS HAVING A HOUSE PARTY AND THEN GO BACK TO OUR HOUSE AROUND 7:00 OR SO AND BBQ AND HAVE COCTAILS! SO FAR THAT IS WHAT WE HAVE COME UP W/. I WANTED TO GO SEE ZWARTE BUT THAT IS UNREALISTIC AT THIS POINT, MAYBE NEXT YEAR!! WHAT ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE????
asha, what new baby?
WELL THE REASON I WAS KICKED OUT OF WOODYS IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO TAKE A PICTURE OF A STUPID NAKED GIRL IN THE BAR!!! REMEMBER!!! HEY NOT EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING MARRIED IS BORING!!!! I GOT SOME LAST NIGHT???
WE DECIDED TO GET A PUPPY ABOUT 6 WEEKS AGO! YOU WILL HAVE TO COME OVER AND SEE HER!! HEY I LIKE TO HAVE PEOPLE AT MY HOUSE TOO, IT ISN'T ALL ABOUT YOUR HOUSE!!!
You win. I got NOTHING last night. Did you have to get the boy drunk or was he in the mood?? You know, men bitch about woman never wanting to have sex but I find that not to be the case with almost every female I speak to!!
Again, boys are dumb- throw rocks at them...
HATE SLEEPING ALONE!!!
Should I just go out and see if I can find someone to take me home??
Yah right, wish I had more of that girl in me. DAM IT!! I need one a one night stand story like the one K told me...
it is too all about my house. i'm needy and I don't like to drive. Plus there are no boys at my house.
This is some funny ass shit!!!
(jodeci song playing in the background, sound of head board banging
Against the wall, and biggie grunting)
Woman moaning, uh, yeah, uh, oooh, oh yeah, mmm, yeah
Oh fuck me you black mothafucka, oooohh yeah!!! mmmmmm, aaahhh
Oh fuck me you black kentucky fried chicken eatin’
Ohhh, ooohhh, yeah
You mothafuckin’ gangsta killin’, mutha fuckin black mafia ass
Muthafuckin, you, ohhhhh my god
You chronic smokin’, oreo cookie eatin’, pickle juice drinkin’
Chicken gristle eatin’, biscuit suckin’, muthafucka
V8 juice drinkin’, slim fast, black greasy muthafucka
Ooohhhhh
Biggie: what’s my name?
Woman: biggie!
Biggie: what’s my name?
Woman: biggie!
Oh yeah
(sound of biggie and the woman falling off the bed)
Biggie: I’m sorry.
Woman: ahhhh....
Biggie: oh shit. damn.
Woman: (laughing) jenny craig eatin’ muthafucka
Biggie: (laughing) fuck you bitch...
the meteorologist?
i need to hear more about the outback experience.
asha, what kind of puppy?
IT IS DEFINITELY MORE ME COMPLAINING ABOUT NOT GETTNG ANY THAN HIM!!! I CAME TO BED AND HE WAS READY, WASN'T EXPECTING A THING! HE WAS WEARING SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME CRAZY IN BED!!! WHAT TO DO! SO I DID HIM! WHAT THE HELL YOU GET IT WHEN YOU CAN!!
OH FUCK THAT SONG WAS FUCKING FUNNY!!! OKAY YOU MADE ME SMILE! WHO KNEW I COULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN HERE AT WORK!!! YOU ARE DEFINITELY 1 UP ON ME ON THE HOUSE THING!!!!
OUR PUPPY IS A BORDER COLLIE MIX!! WHAT SHE IS MIXED W/ WE AREN'T SURE, EVERYONE KEEPS THINKING SHE IS LAB BUT I DON'T SEE IT, OTHER THAN SHE IS ALL BLACK!!
I WANNA HEAR MORE ABOUT THE JOHN GREEN INCIDENT ALSO!! COME ON GIVE US THE GOODS!
So gyspys exhusband is in town.
I thought it would be nice to pick up her house before he got there ( if my exhusband was in town I would want things picked up).
So anyway I decide to get ridd of the beer in my fridge and I knew it would get drank at Gypsy's so I grabbed my MGD and headed over. I let myself in and put the beer away- what the hell?? Might as well have one. So I open a beer and start cleaning. I am dressed in my loung pants, red tank (no bra) and have minimal make up on. I am vacuming and in walks John Green!! He was early and just comes walkin in. I shut the vacume off and say "Oh hi. You must be John, I'm "Mayhem"", and stick out my hand. He hugs me and says "Yah, I remember you!! How are you??" and I'm like "we don't know each other". And he's like "oh hey, you drinkin?? Right on!!" And proceeds to drink my beer. Then he says "who else do you still talk to??" and I'm still kind of giggling now and say "we don't know each other- we realy don't" that was in the first 5 minutes!!!
did you read that song?? I am dying here!! Kentucky fried chicken eaten mothafucka?? Come on!! Thats funny ass shit!! Jenny Craig eatin mutha fucka..
Fuckin FUNNY!!!
gypsy, what are you doin on new years?
Then he's you used to date Vinny, witch is true. He's like we used to smoke weed, also probably true. He's like, "hey girl, remember that time we was gonna go skiing and then we go so fucked up we forgot to go?" I'm like "no John, I don't ski, we don't know eatch other" he doesn't beleive me. He says well lets have another beer and go smoke. Then he starts telling me about getting pulled over on the way here and having to lay on the ground while the drug dog serches his vehicle. This whole time he is talking he is looking aroung like there are other people in the room that he is entertaining- like we are not the only ones there. He is also extremely animated and jumping aroung practically yelling. I'm like laughing at his weirdness and he thinks I'm laughing cuz I like his story so he gets louder and louder!! Did I mention he hugged me??
Then he's you used to date Vinny, witch is true. He's like we used to smoke weed, also probably true. He's like, "hey girl, remember that time we was gonna go skiing and then we go so fucked up we forgot to go?" I'm like "no John, I don't ski, we don't know eatch other" he doesn't beleive me. He says well lets have another beer and go smoke. Then he starts telling me about getting pulled over on the way here and having to lay on the ground while the drug dog serches his vehicle. This whole time he is talking he is looking aroung like there are other people in the room that he is entertaining- like we are not the only ones there. He is also extremely animated and jumping aroung practically yelling. I'm like laughing at his weirdness and he thinks I'm laughing cuz I like his story so he gets louder and louder!! Did I mention he hugged me??
oops hit the button twice
Gypsy do you remember this?? i think it was the night that I was stealing random drinks?? Or was it someones bachelorete party??
i think girl house party. no cab money and could do without having to flirt for my drinks as desperate as I may be...
Although it can be interesting.
Everytime I go out with Gypsy, I make up a new identity. One time she could not figure out why this german man kept hitting on her(I told him we were in audult films and that Gypsy like to take it in the ass and fuck large farm animals..).
yes the meteorologist
WHY ARE YOU REPEATING YOURSELF????
WHO IS THIS DAMB METEOROLOGIST???? WHAT DID I MISS!
I HEARD THE SMALL, FUCKED UP TEETH BOY IS IN TOWN! WONDER WHAT HE IS DOIN? AND FOR HOW LONG WILL HE BE HERE????? KEEP AN EYE OUT! JUST A FYI FOR EVERYONE!
Tell her K!! Great story!!
It is so pathetic that I am 29 and have never had a one night stand= wait- I be Asha hasn't either!! Two bad you are married- we could do it together!! Now THAT would be a story!!
Yah that boy is not anyones friend. I will kick him if I see him!!!
HOW DID YOU GUESS??? THAT IS DEFINITELY ONE THING THAT I HAVE NOT DONE IN MY LIFE!!!!
Does your husband read the blog asha??
KICK HIS ASS!!! I AM KIND OF HOPING I WILL RUN INTO HIM!!!! I DIDN'T GET TO FINISH WHAT I WANTED TO LAST TIME I SAW HIM!
NO BUT SOMETIMES HE HEARS ABOUT IT! AND I TELL HIM ABOUT SOME STUFF!!
WHY????? DO YOU ASK?
I think we should take him out and to a field and di a shallow grave..
I was just hinking about you and a boy at my dads house and trying to remember who it was?? I kmow it wasn't the short one
did Gypsy and K leave??
WOW I DON'T EVEN THINK WE'LL GO THERE!!!! I HOWEVER LIKE THE GRAVE IDEA!!!!!
I THINK THEY'RE GONE!!!
HOW FUCKING PROUD ARE YOU OF ME, HERE I HAVE BEEN BLOGING FOR, LET ME SEE, SINCE 9:30! PRETTY IMPRESSIVE!
You have to ask K, I'm not giving out any info however I will say it's a great story!!
I have mail!!!!!!!!
I think K left so ladies are just going to have to get her sloshed and then ask her!!!
So no takers for Friday night?? Gypsy will play with me!! She doesn't care if she's hung on Ney Years!! Whats DJ and those guys doin?? He called last night but I was sleeping..
Asha have you talked to anyone else?? Tell B not to call Dumb fuckhead anymore!!
Asha did your company stay last night?????
I meant Gypsy did your company stay last night-
JUST OUR BUDDY MARK, YESTERDAY! HE IS GETTING US TICKETS FOR THE FREESTYLE MOTOCROSS SHOW AT THE CIVIC CENTER IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS! MARK, HIS WIFE, DENNY AND DAWN WILL BE COMING OVER, SO FAR THAT IS ALL I KNOW!! WE ARE KINDA LAST MINUTERS!
So you are staying in and having people over for New Years, Asha?? Was it last year that we were all at my house with fuckhead passed out by 9?? Much more fun for me that way...
That was fun!!!
AGHHH YES WE DID HAVE A GREAT TIME! WE DID A LOT OF SINGING AND DANCING! I LOVE THAT! EVEN THOUGH I COULDN'T SING TO SAVE MY LIFE! WHAT GREAT TIMES!
OK I have to go get my kids but I will be back later. I saw Jimmy Walker!! He is crazy!! Remind me to tell you about that...
Have a good day ladies!!
Love you
~Mayhem
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